Choosing Love and Limits: Why Boundaries Matter in Birth Work

Care that is generous and sustainable

Boundaries are not about keeping people out.They are about staying present with integrity.

For a long time, I misunderstood this.

Like many people drawn to birth work, I entered this profession with an open heart, deep commitment, and a willingness to give—often at my own expense. I believed that being a “good” midwife meant always being available, always saying yes, always stretching just a little further for the sake of care.

Over time, that version of service became unsustainable.

When Care Turns Into Overextension

Overextension doesn’t usually announce itself loudly. It creeps in quietly.

It looks like answering messages late at night because you don’t want someone to feel unsupported. It looks like squeezing in “just one more thing” on a day that’s already full. It looks like carrying emotional weight that was never meant to be carried alone.

At first, it can feel generous. Noble, even. But eventually, it begins to erode clarity, presence, and joy.

And when that happens, everyone feels it—the provider and the people they serve.

Reframing Boundaries as an Act of Care

What shifted my practice—and my life—was learning to see boundaries not as barriers, but as containers.

Boundaries create space for:

• Clear communication

• Consistent, reliable care

• Emotional sustainability

• Mutual respect

They allow me to show up grounded, regulated, and fully present—rather than depleted and reactive.

In midwifery, presence matters. Attunement matters. Decision-making matters. None of those are supported by burnout.

What Boundaries Look Like in Practice

Boundaries don’t have to be rigid or cold. In fact, the most effective ones are rooted in honesty and compassion.

For me, this has meant:

• Being clear about availability and response times

• Defining the scope of my role—and honoring it

• Letting go of the idea that I am responsible for fixing everything

• Trusting that clients are capable, informed participants in their care

It has also meant allowing myself to rest, to be human, and to step back when needed—without guilt.

Sustainable Care Is Ethical Care

Birth work is intimate. It is meaningful. It is also demanding.

If we want to practice in ways that are ethical, long-lasting, and truly supportive, we have to build structures that protect the people doing the work as well as those receiving it.

Boundaries are not a failure of compassion.They are an expression of it.

They allow care to be offered intentionally, rather than reactively.They help ensure that love does not come at the cost of health, clarity, or longevity.

An Invitation

This is an invitation—to fellow birth workers, students, doulas, and midwives—to examine where overextension may be masquerading as dedication.

It’s an invitation to choose love and limits. To believe that sustainable practice is not selfish, but necessary.And to trust that clear boundaries make room for deeper, more authentic care.

Because staying present—with integrity—is what allows this work to remain healing for everyone involved