The Stories We Carry: How Birth Expectations Shape Our Experience
- Mary Harris
- May 8
- 2 min read
Every birthing person walks into labor carrying a story. Some stories come from our mothers. Some from media. Some from that one traumatic ER visit years ago. Some, we don’t even realize we’ve absorbed, until we’re in the moment and feeling fear, pressure, or shame we didn’t expect.
This current blog explores how our birth stories, real or imagined, inherited or internalized—shape how we prepare, respond, and recover. And how awareness of those stories can become a powerful tool for healing.
What Stories Are You Carrying?
Ask yourself:
What did you learn about birth growing up?
Who were the “heroes” or “victims” in those stories?
Did you witness fear or empowerment? Emergency or trust?
What expectations do you have about pain, control, or what makes a “good” birth?
Many of us carry stories that weren’t ours to begin with. They were given to us—and we have the right to rewrite them.
Why This Matters in the Birth Room
When a parent enters labor, they bring all those stories with them. If we haven’t examined them, they can affect:
How we interpret sensations or medical suggestions
Our ability to advocate for ourselves
Our trust in our body or care team
Our postpartum emotional state, especially if things don’t go “as planned”
The good news? Naming these stories loosens their grip.
How to Work with Your Stories (Before or After Birth)
Journaling Prompt: “The story I’ve inherited about birth is…”
Body Awareness: Notice what emotions show up when you imagine labor.
Story Release Ritual: Write down a story you no longer want to carry. Burn it, bury it, or give it back to the sea.
Reframe With Support: Talk with a midwife, therapist, or birthworker about what you want your story to be.
If you’ve already given birth, it’s never too late to tell a new story about your experience—with more compassion and clarity.
You are not your mother’s story. Or your neighbor’s horror story. Or the medical chart version
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